Maybe I'm a Master Chef in hiding

I always thought I was a kick ass chef, thought I could rustle up a three course meal with a can of bully beef, beans and eggs. It was actually three meals as a student, not a three course meal. These where usually made as we got home from clubbing. Breakfast and a beer, watching the sun rise, life was easy then.

My cooking experience started late. As a boarder and a son to an amazing cook, there was never any need to cook. Only when I moved to Ixopo and the next year onto a farm by myself did I ever really have to cook for myself. I didn't do too badly and most of my experiments tasted bladdy good. 

First week I'm dating the Sadils I decide to cook her a meal. We head off to an open air market in a dodgey area of town. I buy a fish which had its head and insides removed in front of us, some tomatoes, "real gravy soaker" potatoes and some onions.

My idea was to layer potatoes at the bottom, place the fish on top and stuff it with tomatoes and onions. The potatoes should go soft and absorb all the juices and melted butter. Worked out beautifully. I tasted and plated up to my very new girlfriend. She started and slowed down very fast while I was quickly acting tidy. Wowee can Sadie talk I remember thinking. I didn't notice she wasn't eating - the sly fox.

I had a mouthful and eff! The fish was off. Honestly, it tasted like a piece of meat that had been dragged at the bottom of the Ganges River in India. I Panicked, WTF, new girlfriend and this tastes like shit. I quickly took the plate from her and went redder than my tomatoes. Thank the Pope for cities and fast foods. She ended up with a burger and chips, Bruce you romantic beast.

Watching Masterchef on PVR last night I realised man alive, maybe I'm not so hot. They gave these people a chicken, CAPERS, bone marrow, bread crumbs, some white cheese, asparagus, something I dont remember and just said "Ypur one hour starts now, cook." Yinna! They had to use Everything! I would freeze. Capers only belong on a pizza, marrow needs to be roasted and asparagus needs to be blanched and eaten with mayo. To eat them any other way is like ordering a British Racing Green Ferrari. 

I would reckon getting a couple of palookas like myself together and getting them to cook up a storm would be a helluva show. People with no clue throwing stuff together. I see the Judges life cover premiums going up. End up calling it Starvation Games, nobody will want to touch the food.

Any ways, back to the fitness thing. The running is going well, I'm running shorter distances but at a higher intensity ( basically I wobble quicker) as it gets dark towards the end of my run fast.

Sadie is running twice a day and Poodle doesn't like me too much so she spends her day chilling with Sadie. It's probably 'cos Sadie doesn't stuff socks in her mouth and place her in the wash basket. Dam traitor. If you gonna hang with a warrior expect the unexpected.

Hope you all have a great week.

50th Blog Post

Crap, have you seen the time. I have a blog post due in 2hr45min. Been pounding out Goverment tender quotes all morning and my brain is mush.

Last week I was preparing to tackle Sadie (for legal purposes I mean tackle her in a competitive non violent way) in a run.

Well, we've done one together and a few alone. To report back there was no winner. 

We started the run with a walk to warm up. Sadie got it in her mind she was an olympic power walker and I spent the first 500m trying to swallow my heart. Horrific feeling I tell you. The jog felt good and I got a good rythym. My slightly longer legs make me a little quicker and I had fun running next to her changing speeds just do make her cross. Mission successful. Klap over the head to prove it. Just before half way I decided to tease Sadie a bit, telling her she's slow and poodle could out run her. I didn't stop. Sadie got fed up and said "Catch me if you can" and BOOM, she was gone. Full on canter down Dulwitch road and up the other side. I caught up to what I thought was her because at that stage I could see stuff all. My vision had gone, my heart was in my throat and my lungs where busy collapsing. We ran side by side trying to secretly kill each other. I think our bodies synched because all of a sudden we where both walking. In unison we both glanced sideways at each other and started to Olympic power walk. I don't really know what happened from there. Stuff that was I losing to a chick and by the look on Sadies face she now reads my blog and knows somewhere on the property there are dirty magazines lurking about. Weirdest thing ever happened. We seemed to have worked out all the aggression and ended up encouraging each other. United in one goal. To get fit and funky. Shit, that's soppy!

So it's Sadies birthday tomorrow. I guess I'll buy her a cool book. That way she won't watch T.V and I can jol Xbox while she reads. That's what being a warrior is about. Being Smart.

A tradition is you have a family supper together so now I have to think of a cool meal to cook her. I don't see this as a challenge at all. I love cooking. I actually started a food blog a day before this one. I just enjoyed this one a bit more and haven't had the time to update the food blog.

If you want to send her a Happy Birthday message you can mail me bruce.supertutors@gmail.com (read that as please do so I don't get a klap over the ears) and I'll pass it on.

Something interesting. My dad has started up a blog. Yip, it's a family affair now. Just waiting for mom to start.

Dads blog is www.mikefrostmtb.blogspot.com He is currently in Zimbabwe doing a ride for Wild dog awareness. As important as saving the Rhinos are it has taken the spotlight off a lot of other endangered animals like the Wild dog. This ride isn't a sponsor me so I can go on holiday ride. My folks and the other members are paying their own way and whatever is raised is donated to the Wild dogs.

As he gets wifi he will e-mail or update his blog.

Have a great week friends. Writing this has put me in a good mood and that's why I love blogging.

Made it on time, what a warrior.

Have to Beat Sadie and buying dirty mags

Has anybody seen the date? We halfway through the year already, or somewhere around there.

Sadie and I are going for an afternoon jog this afternoon. I am NOT taking the bladdy pooches. It's too cold to stop every 5m for billy to spray whatever is fixed to the ground. Today especially they are ban. I haven't ran with Sadie in a while and I have a sneaky suspicion she is stronger than me. I think on the sly she has been training. Waiting for the day I ask her to join me on a run. Waiting to show me whose boss again and I can't lose to a chick, especially my chick. It just hammers my confidence. I can just imagine mornings in our house. Sadie: "Babe, please make me some coffee". Me: "Arguah arguah - Sleeping, tis cold". Sadie " Coffee or I'll beat you......... AGAIN". Nought, this is not happening. I will win today even if I die when I finish, I'll die a winner. 

Sport is the only way you can beat your chick.................... Legally (I pray Sadie doesn't read my blog)

Away from shallow victories and onto serious threats. Hunger Games and their timing.

So centuries ago, the Mayans made a plan that December 21 2012 the world will end and the Alpha males will fight it out to see who is superior. This superior being will carry the human race forward. Populating the world with his genetically superior genes. In a nutshell it's like Facebook friend culling, you keep the friends who post pool party pics and delete the ones who are only there to see how cool you pretend your life is on Facebook. 

So those who didn't wish me happy birthday last year, be warned, the Snowbeast is angry ;)

I am worried that the organisers of the Hunger Games can't keep time, we 6 months late. I mean Justin Bieber was 2 hours late for a UK concert and was fined thousands of Pounds and had reports written that he was going off the rails.

Poor guy, When I was thirteen I didn't even own a watch.

My Hunger Games box is growing, it now has the two dirty mags I need to distract bow and arrow chicks stalker. It was awkward  as hell buying them. I went to the mall and decided this will be the last place in hell I will buy these from. You surrounded by decent people doing their own thing and the minute you touch them the mall goes quiet, everything goes in slow motion and everybody stares at you like you walking around with a dead raccoon in your hands. So I went to a place of ill repute. I charged in and placed my cash on the table and blurted out. "Two dirty mags please". The salesman pointed towards racks and racks of these things. The choice was mind blowing. So to skip the details I picked up two with people on the cover who look similar to Bow and Arrow chick. If I'm going to drive a wedge in this mans side I'm going to make sure it hurts...... A LOT.

My mind is now scarred. I have left the mags in their plastic sheets just in case Sadils finds them. I'll have more of a leg to stand on if they sealed - I hope.

Cheers 

Dirty mags and Kids

Right, so exams are over and it's time to start blogging again.

Much better than exams in my humble opinion.

Back to the immanent threat of The Hunger Games. Chatting to a mate I have one problem. What if they throw me into the gauntlet with kids like Rue from the Hunger Games? Yinna, I'm a warrior but not a murderer. Maybe I'll take some chloroform with me. Like the old pick up line, (presenting a hankie from your pocket) "excuse me miss, does this smell like chloroform to you". It's a knock out. 

So the kids will get chloroformed and removed to a safe place. Maybe I'll chain them to the kitchen and when I get back to my cave after a successful day of hunger gaming the little tykes will have a meal prepared form me. Dam straight, that is how a snowbeast rolls. BOOM!!

Wait, what if the little shits conspire to kill me and poison my food. Crap, I didn't think of that. I might have to cut their tongues out and remove any limbs they don't need. 

Whoah, maybe a little excessive considering I am trying not to hurt a little kiddie.

I'll come back to this thought, I hope I have time to sort it out before a face bow and arrow chick and her little side kick.

As for her lover, He seems a little desperate. Chasing her around like a lost puppy. I think what nobody realises is he's secretly trying to see where she's showering. Thinking with the wrong head mate! I'll throw some dirty mags out and bop him on the head as he picks them up. Problem solved. 

Where do i get these mags and how? If Sadils sees my card statement or finds whats really in my Hunger Games stash she might send me to a quack to sort my Alpha male brain out. 

Imagine walking into the garage and finding a back pack with a bushman bow and arrow, two butcher knives her Granddad used to own, matches, a tent and a bunch of dirty mags. Yinna, I'll get the frying pan.......... AGAIN.

The Poodle reckons we mates now. It's partially 'cos Charmaine  gave her a haircut and Sadie is insisting on tying a triangular scarf on her so she looks country and western. Poor thing, comes with it's tail between it's legs and looks at me like I'm the only normal thing in the household. I'll take her on my side, for one reason. Chicks dig Poodles. I'll set her free around bow and arrow chick and when she bends over to pick the bladdy thing up, BAM, she gets it. 

Hope you all have a great day......

Mr O is in the house

The other morning on 5fm I heard the American President Barrack Obama will be coming to South Africa for a visit. This makes my heart happy. Wherever Mr Obama goes so does the media. Finally the first world will realise Africa is a massive continent made up of smaller countries that do exist. We will no longer just be "from Africa", we can finally be proudly South African. I can only imagine he'll arrive on Airforce one and will have to land at O.R Tambo like the rest of the world (apart from our friends the Gupta's). Mr Zuma must be excited. I remember the excitement of friends and family coming from a far to stay. They always bought cool gifts. I can just imagine Parliament rubbing their greedy little hands together at the announcement thinking what gifts will the People from the wicked west bring for us Comrades. 

I see Mr Obama as a humble man, he'll probably get the First Lady to bake a humble apple pie to thank Mr Zuma for his hospitality. Once realised that there are no luxury 4x4's, replacement jewellery for Mrs Zuma #2 or even US Dollars, cabinet will go on the rampage. Burning tyres and promising to go on a strike and halting their departments. This doesn't scare a warrior like me, they don't do anything anyway. We'll just have to put up with burning tyres and street dancers like we do any ways. If I had my way I'd have Mr Obama stay in rural areas with no running water or electricity like Hilton or Mpolweni. This way he will see the real South Africa. We not all about riding lions to school and hunting animals for supper. We are a real country. We are a proud nation that just puts up with all the lack of service delivery.

Here's a cool fact, Mr Obama brews his own beer. How cool is that. We have the most powerful man in the world who enjoys a good 'ol brew. That's respect.

As you can see I'm not really in a good mood, complaining like a whiney prat. I think it's the withdrawal symptoms from lack of exercise. I'm busy writing exams so my study time has increased and my running and cycling has decreased. It's almost over tho. Soon I'll be back to being awesome and kicking all of your butts. BOOM. Confidence in motion (Sorry Subaru, I stole your catch phase). 

As of next week Friday this warrior will be in an intense post exam training schedule. Eating like a rabbit and soaring like an eagle. I hate rabbit food but it must be done. Lose a kilo or eight, put some lean muscle on and I'll be back in the running for Hunger Games champ. Bow and arrow chick, you're mine!

Have a great week all :)

Hi guys,
I have to humbly apolagise for a lack of a blog post today.
I have two exams this week and the real world took preference.
I do have  one in the pipe line and will pt it asap.
Follow me on twitter for an update on when it'll be posted ( @snow_beast)
Cheers

Mother Nature you heartless .........

Mother Nature doesn't smaak me at all! Last week I wished I would get properly sick and just get this bug over and done with. Once again mother nature took the challenge by the horns and on my free weekend she hit me with the man flu and to topple that it pissed down with rain. 

I'm not going to blog about me being sick, it never helps to complain. It pushes you backwards if anything.

This has given me the idea I need to get in touch with nature as Mother Nature seems to be a potential ally and a bladdy strong one at that.

I have this sudden urge to pick up my air rifle, fishing rod and a box of matches and head out into the wilderness to fend for myself. Just me and mother nature, chilling together like old tjommies. Hunting and gathering like my forefathers did. Judging by my size my forefathers must have been world champ foragers.

Sadie thinks I'm nuts and wont survive out there. The way I see it we are all entitled to our own opinion, even if it is wrong.

I'm just not keen on the whole toilet thing. After a full day running around doing hunter gatherer things I then have to dig a pit, do my thing then find a waterfall for a shower, jump out build the fire I should have built before my shower, warm up a bit and immediately smell like a smoked sausage. Yoh, I'm thinking twice about this whole outdoors thing. Maybe just be an indoor bunny hugger. Jol Xbox and when the time comes I'm gonna join the bunch of hypocrites waving slogans around like "SAVE THE TREES" printed on cardboard. For those who don't know card board is made from trees. Yip, never thought of that did you? I don't wanna listen to the whole sacrifice one tree to save the rest junk. When Hunger Games start I'm gonna sacrifice their lilly white asses if they feel so strongly about it.

Sadils impressed me the other day. While I was feeling sorry for myself she came home late from work and pounded out a 30min sesh on the treadmill. She's now leading from the front with the fitness thing. I need to follow.

I kinda, mighta told the lady who measured me up (only jacket size, I promise) I was a whole pants size smaller for Mandy and Daves wedding. The idea here is to motivate me to lose the extra pants size and keep on my quest to be fit and funky. This won't be hard when Sadie gets into it. She'll kick my ass and drag me up and down mountains.

So another week of inactivity and I'm feeling terrible. I can't wait to run and ride agai. I reckon it's gonna be a difficult start, but non the less I'm going at this next week like a bull in Pampelona.