Trained Poodles and speedos

This bloody poodle has everybody wrapped round it's little paw.
My folks came down this weekend for the dirt fest at Cascades PMB and BOOM the poodle also has them.
It just sits there staring at you tilting it's head at you until you scratch it.

It gets worse!!

I'm not the only trained monkey in the house. I was playing Xbox the other day and I hear Sadie in the kitchen. "Sit, Sit, Sit Thombi. Thombi Sit! Good girl! Wait, wait, wait. Eat it, Thombi, eat it."
This carried on for a couple of minutes until i walked into the kitchen.
Sadils was standing there with a whole bag of doggie treats teaching the Poodle to sit.

The Poodle now sits - ALL THE FRIKKEN TIME!!!! It doesn't walk anymore, it drags itself around the house by its ass looking at every human it passes as if to say where's my treat dammit! It looks ridiculous, like a dog with worms! I'm hesitant to feed it, I don't want dirty bum drag marks all over the bloody carpet!!!

Poodle aside Nicky a friend of ours was chatting to Sadie about forming a Super Tutors Midmar Mile team, they one member short.
That evening I was playing my new Xbox game and Sadils comes and asks me nicely if I would like to partake. Obviously I said yes sounds fun right. Well I forgot about it and now have about a month to train to swim a mile. Swimming is not like running, it's hardcore. Running, if you give up, you give up. You sit on the ground, cry and get over it. In swimming you give up you drown and die fullstop. So this is a serious potentially life threatening problem.

One more thing, do I have to wear a banana hammock? I really don't feel like squeezing my mass into a piece of material smaller than my face.
Now we learn in high school the law displacement. Basically some guy jumped into the bathtub, noticed the water spilt out and realised this was displacement. He then proceeded to run around the house naked shouting eureka. If this where to happen nowadays he'd be committed to a happy home.
I'm worried that if the law of displacement is to take effect by me swimming the mile Howick will get flooded. It's a risk howick will have to take.

Hope you all well :)